You ShouldLearn to Be more polite
One day, Billand Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out twosteaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.
一天，比爾和湯姆去餐館吃飯。當服務員端上兩份牛排時，比爾迅速地爲自己拿了比較大的那塊。
Tom wasn'thappy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"
湯姆對此很不開心：“你什麼時候能學會禮貌?”
Bill:"If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"
比爾說：“如果讓你先拿，你會拿哪個?”
Tom:"The smaller piece, of course."
湯姆說：“當然是小的那個。”
Bill:"What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want,right?"
比爾：“那你還抱怨什麼?小的那個不就是你想要的，不是嗎?”
Wedding Anniversary
A couple goesout to dinner to celebrate their 50 wedding anniversary.
一對夫婦出去吃飯慶祝他們的五十週年結婚紀念。
On the wayhome, she notices tears in his eyes and asks if he's getting sentimentalbecause they are celerating fifty wonderful years together.
在回家的路上，她注意到他的眼裏含着淚水，於是問他是否在感傷他們慶祝五十年在一起的美好時光。
He replies," No, I was thinking about the time before we got married.
他回答說：“不，我在想我們結婚前的時光。
Your fatherthreatened me with a short gun and said he would have thrown me in jail forfifty years if I didn't marry you."
你的爸爸用槍威脅我，說如果我不娶你，他會把我送進監獄蹲五十年。”
Big sale
It was theday of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the localpaper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store'sopening time, in front of the store.
降價大甩賣那天，商場通知的.8：30的開業時間未到，門口就排滿了被打折的傳聞和當地報紙的廣告吸引過來的長龍。
A small manpushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud andcolorful curse. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw,and knocked around a bit, and then thrown at the end of the line again.
一個小個子男人推擠着想到隊伍的前面，但被推了回來，期間充斥着各式各樣的嘈雜的咒罵。這個人又一次努力往前擠，下巴被重重地碰了幾下，並被推來推去，又被擠到了最後面。
As he got up,he said to the person at the end of the line,” That does it! If they hit me onemore time, I won't open the store!"
他第二次起來時，他對隊伍最後一個人說：“得了，如果他們再這樣對我，我就不去開商店門了!”
Your Horse Called
A guy isreading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the backof the head with a frying pan.
一個傢伙正在看報紙，他的妻子走到他身後，用一隻煎鍋敲他的後腦勺。
He asks,"What was that for?"
他問道：“這是爲什麼?”
She says,"I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written onit."
她說：“我在你口袋裏發現了一張寫有‘Betty Sue’的紙條。”
He says,"Jeez, honey, 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I bet on." Sheshrugs and walks away.
他說：“哎呀，親愛的，‘Betty Sue’是我賭的那匹馬的名字。”
Three dayslater he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on theback of the head again with the frying pan.
她聳了聳肩，走了。三天後他正在看報紙，妻子走到他身後，又用一隻煎鍋敲他的後腦勺。
He asks,"What was that for?"
他問：“這又是爲什麼?”
She answers,"Your horse called."
她答道：“你的馬打電話來了。”
Bad News and Good News
An artistasked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintingscurrently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the ownerreplied.
一名藝術家問畫廊老闆，最近有沒有人對他展出的畫感興趣。“這有好消息和壞消息，”老闆回答。
"Thegood news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it wouldappreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought allfifteen of your paintings."
“好消息是有一位先生諮詢你的作品，他想知道在你死後你的畫會不會升值。我告訴他你的畫會升值，他就把你的15幅畫全都買走了。”
"That'swonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". Withconcern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."
“真是太好了”，藝術家是喜形於色，“那壞消息是什麼?”帶着關心的口吻，畫廊老闆回答，“買畫的人是你的醫生”。