品讀英語幽默故事精粹，讓我們在那不一樣的文字中，感受快樂的陪伴。其實，快樂就是這樣簡單，下面本站小編就爲大家帶來英語笑話故事精粹，歡迎大家閱讀欣賞。
1、一定很擁擠
A teacher is telling his students, “The moon is very large. Several millions people can live there.”
And a boy laughs and says, “It must get crowded when it's a crescent moon.”
一位告訴學生：“月亮非常大，上面能住幾百人。”
一個男孩笑着說：“當月亮變成月牙的時候，住在上面的人該多擁擠啊!”
2、變相收費
Customer:Everyday you charge me money for a cup of will be wonderful if you serve me coffee free of charge today.
Waiter:Yeah,you can have a free we will charge your money for the seat and the cup.
顧客：“每天你都會收我喝咖啡的錢，要是今天咖啡免費吶就太完美了。”
服務員：“但是我們會向你收位子佔用費和使用杯子的費用。”
3、咖啡問題
A man was at the doctor's office. “Every time I drink a cup of coffee, Doctor, I have a stabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do?” he asked.
“Take the spoon out of your cup. ” answered the doctor.
一位男子來到醫生的辦公室。“醫生，每次我喝咖啡，我的右眼都有刺痛感。您說我該怎麼辦?”他問道。
“把勺子從咖啡杯裏拿出來。”醫生回答說。
4、十塊糖
Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”
“Ten.” Jim says.
“Then,” Mother asks.
“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn't it right?”
媽媽問兒子：“吉姆， 如果你有10塊糖，吃了4塊，那你還有幾塊糖?”
“10塊。”吉姆說。
“10塊?”媽媽問。
“是的，媽媽。因爲4塊在我的肚子裏面，6塊在肚子外面，4加6等於10，不對嗎?”
5、那不是我的狗
A woman walks into a pet shop and sees a cute little dog. She asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”
The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bit.”
The woman tries to pet the dog and the dog bites her.
“Ouch!” She says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”
The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”
一個婦人走進一家寵物店，看見一隻很可愛的小狗。她問店主：“你的狗咬人嗎?”
店主說：“不，我的狗不咬人。”
於是這個婦人試着撫摸小狗，可是小狗卻咬了她。
“哎喲!”婦人說，“我想你剛纔還說你的狗不咬人。”
店主人回答說：“那不是我的狗。”
6、大腦袋
“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”
“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”
“Where's the shopping bag?”
“I haven't got one,use your hat.”
“所有的孩子都拿我開玩笑，”小男孩哭着跟媽媽說：“他們說我長了一個大腦袋。”
“別聽他們的，”他媽媽安慰說：“你的腦袋長得很漂亮。好了，別哭了，去商店買10磅土豆來。”
“購物袋在哪?”
“我沒有購物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”
7、湯姆是個小孩
Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket. But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?”“No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”
湯姆是個小孩， 他才7歲。當他去電影院的時候。那時他第一次去。他買了張票進去了。但沒過兩三分鐘他就出來了，然後買了第二張票又進去了。幾分鐘後他又出來買了第三張票。接着兩三分鐘後他又出來買票。一個女的問她，“你爲什麼要買那麼多票啊? 你見到了幾個朋友?”“沒有， 我裏面沒朋友，但是每當我進門的時候一位大的.女人老把我的票給剪了”
8、不能讓他跑了
A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away they got married immediately.
The next day she noticed her new husband waking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. “What happened?” she asked. “You used to walk straight before we were married.”
“Oh, honey, ” he replied, “I can't drink that much every day.”
一隻雄蟹遇到一隻雌蟹，便要娶她爲妻。她注意到他走路是直着走，而不是橫着走。哇!她想，這隻雄蟹可真特別，我可不能讓他跑了。因此他們立刻結婚了。
第二天，她又發現她的新郎像其他蟹一樣橫着走路了。她深感不安。“你怎麼了?”她問，“我們結婚前你可是直着走路的。”
“哦，寶貝，”他回答說，“我不可能每天都喝那麼多。”
9、那是做什麼用的
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends，a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer ford ”One of his friends asked.“That is the talking clock.”the man replied.“How does it work!”
“Watch，”the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly，someone screamed from the other side of the wall，“Knock it off，you idiots It's two 0'clock in the morning”
一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那個大銅鑼和錘子是幹什麼用的?”他的一個朋友問他。“那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鐘”，學生回答。“這鐘怎麼工作的?”
他的朋友問。“看着，別眨眼了”，那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁牆那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡!現在是凌晨兩點鐘了!”
10、我讓奶奶高興了
A teacher is telling her students the importance of making others glad. “Now, children,” she says“Did you make someone else glad?”
“Please, teacher,” says a small boy, “I made someone glad yesterday.”
“Well done. Who was that?” The teacher says.
“My granny.” The boy says.
“Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.” The teacher says.
“I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her for three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home.' And she said, 'well. I'm glad!‘”
一位教師正在對學生將使人高興的重要性。“聽着，孩子們，”他說：“你們曾讓別人高興過嗎?”
“我，老師，”一個男孩子說，“昨天我就使別人高興過。”
“做得好。是誰呢?”老師說。
“我奶奶。”小男孩說。
“好孩子。現在告訴我們，你是怎樣使你奶奶高興的?”老師問道。
“是這樣的，老師。昨天我去看她，在她那兒呆了3個小時。然後我對她說：奶奶，我要回家了。她說：啊，我很高興。”