下面本站小編準備的英語笑話，保證你看完樂呵呵。
心不在焉的老師
An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening， are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”
有一天，人們看見一個有名的心不在焉的老師在路上走，他的一隻腳一直踏在街溝裏，另一隻腳踩在人行道上。 一個碰見他的學生說： “晚安，老師。您怎麼了?” “啊，”這位老師回答說：“我想我離開家的時候還挺好的，可是現在我不知道出了什麼毛病。我已經一瘸一拐走了半個小時了。”
誰纔是有色人種
Dear white, something you got to know
親愛的白種人，有幾件事你必須知道。
When I was born, I was black.
當我出生時，我是黑色的
When I grow up, I am black.
我長大了，我是黑色的
When I’m under the sun, I’m black.
我在陽光下，我是黑色的
When I’m cold, I’m black.
我寒冷時，我是黑色的
When I’m afraid, I’m black.
我害怕時，我是黑色的
When I’m sick, I’m black.
我生病了，我是黑色的
When I die, I’m still black.
當我死了，我仍是黑色的。
you—white people,
你——白種人
When you were born, you were pink.
當你出生時，你是粉紅色的
When you grow up, you become white.
你長大了，變成白色的
You’re red under the sun.
你在陽光下，你是紅色的
You’re blue when you’re cold.
你寒冷時，你是青色的`
You are yellow when you’re afraid.
你害怕時，你是黃色的
You’re green when you’re sick.
你生病時，你是綠色的
You’re gray when you die.
當你死時，你是灰色的
And you, call me color?
然後，你叫我“有色種人”?
上帝是不聾，可奶奶聾呀!
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents'. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the younger one replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
兩個小男孩在他們的祖父母家過夜。睡覺時間到了，這兩個小男孩跪在牀上祈禱。弟弟用非常大的聲音祈禱着，“我祈求有一輛新自行車……我祈求有一個新遊戲機……我祈求有一個新錄像機……”
他的哥哥用胳膊肘輕輕地碰了他一下，說：“你爲什麼這麼大聲地喊叫呢?上帝又不是聾子。”
弟弟聽了回答道：“上帝是不聾，可奶奶聾呀!”
Only One Eye to Settle On
The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"
"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.
姑娘找到媒人，說：“你欺騙了我。他的一隻眼是假眼，你以前爲什麼不告訴我?” “怎麼沒告訴你?”媒人也不甘示弱，“你們第一回見面後，我就說，他一眼就看中你了。”
Goethe's ToleranceGoe
the was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, I'll never make way for a fool. But I will, with that Goethe retreated aside.
一次，歌德正在魏瑪一個公園的一條狹窄小道上散步，碰巧他遇見一個對他懷有敵意的評論家。兩人都停了下來，彼此相互對視。接着評論家說道：我從來不給傻瓜讓路。 可我給，說完歌德退到了一邊。
Good Sight
Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.
律師：你說你離事故現場約有35英尺，你能看清多遠的東西?證人：這麼說吧，早上起牀後我看見太陽，別人告訴我這大約有9300萬英里遠。