英語笑話可以減少人生中的各種煩惱，以下爲本站小編整理給您的英語笑話。
小心有狗
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走進一家鄉間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖着的一個告示牌上寫着，“危險! 小心有狗!” 進去後，他看到一條樣子一點都不兇的老狗趴在收款機旁邊的地板上睡覺。 “這就是大夥都得留神的那隻狗啊?” 陌生人問店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 聽到這個回答， 陌生人覺得很好笑。“我覺得那條狗一點都不可怕。 你帖那個告示做什麼?” “因爲，” 店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前， 大夥老被他絆倒。”
冷與熱
A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water.""But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal.""Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C.""Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
蒙特利爾咖啡館的一位顧客擰開盥洗室的水龍頭，結果被水燙傷了。“這太可惡了，”他抱怨道，“標着C的龍頭流出的是開水。”“可是，先生，C代表Chaude，在法語裏代表'熱'。如果您住在蒙特利爾的話就應該知道這一點。”“等等，”那位顧客咆哮着，“另外一個龍頭標的也是C。”“那當然，”經理說道：“這個C代表冷。畢竟，蒙特利爾是個雙語城市。”
在天堂結婚
A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?" St. Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"
一對年輕的夫婦在去結婚的.路上出了車禍，雙雙死去了。於是，他們來到了聖徒彼得面前，妻子問是否她還可以和丈夫結婚，聖徒彼得告訴他們，關於這個問題他一有了結果就會回來找他們。差不多30天以後，聖徒彼得回來了，並且告訴他們可以在天堂結婚。妻子又問：“如果生活的不愉快，我們可不可以離婚呢?”聖徒彼得看着她，回答說：“夫人，我花了30天才找到個傳教士，難道你真的希望我再去找個律師嗎?”
點名
On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course. The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."
大學的第一天，文學課我坐在了前排。教授告訴我們這學期必須得讀五本書，他提供我們可供選擇的作者名單。隨後他緩步走上講臺，拿出課本，“貝克、布萊克、布魯斯、卡特、庫克…”爲了寫下所有的名字，我不得不瘋狂的作着記錄。這時有人輕輕的拍我肩膀，坐在我後面的學生悄悄告訴我：“他在點名呢。”