代課教師
A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, please stand up." Right away, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Why do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "I don’t, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
代課教師試圖運用她的心理學知識。開始上課時，她說：“誰覺得自己很愚蠢，請站起來。”小約翰馬上站起來了。老師問：“爲什麼你覺得你很愚蠢呢，小約翰?”“我不覺得我很蠢，只是我不願意你一個人站在那!”
彆着急
As students in the college of veterinary medicine at Texas A & M University, we frequently treated the farm animals at the state prison. While awkwardly performing a medical procedure on an unruly horse, a classmate said to the prisoner who was holding the animal, "Sorry I'm taking so long." "No problem," the prisoner replied, "I'm doing seven years.
我在德克薩斯A&M大學獸醫藥學系學習的時候，同學們經常把動物帶到州監獄裏去治療。有一次我們笨手笨腳的給一匹烈馬做完檢查，我同學對一直按着這匹馬的犯人說：“真是不好意思，我用了這麼長時間。”“沒關係，”他回答說，“我已經作了七年這種事了。”
請假了
My personnel-management class consisted mainly of adult, working students. One night while discussing job enrichment, the teacher asked if any of us would be happy doing what we did that day for the rest of our lives. A student in the back raised his hand. Surprised, the teacher asked him, "What did you do today?" Smiling, he said, "I took off from work."
我曾參加過一個員工管理培訓課程，我們班上基本上都是成年人和一些半工半讀的學生。一天晚上我們在課上討論工作豐富化的'問題。我們的老師問我們當中有沒有人願意一輩子做今天所做的事情。坐在教室最後面的一個學生舉起了手。老師覺得很驚奇，於是問那個學生，“你今天做什麼來着?”，學生笑着回答，“我今天請假了”。
誰都沒空
I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in the shed. She could see from the bedroom window. As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned the police, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available. I said ok, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've shot them all." Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an armed response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" I replied with "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
那天晚上，我剛要上牀睡覺，妻子告訴我說我沒有關儲藏室的燈，她從臥室的窗戶看見那還亮着。我也透過窗戶朝那邊看，發現有幾個人正在偷東西。我趕忙報警，但是警察局說現在沒有警察在我家的這片位置，他們一有了人手就馬上派過來。我說沒問題，然後掛了電話，等了一分鐘，又給他們打過去：“警察局嗎，一分鐘以前我打過電話來，我告訴你說有人正在我家的儲藏室偷東西。但是現在沒事了，因爲我剛剛開槍把他們都打死了。”隨後，五分鐘之內有六輛警車來到了我家，警報也響了。當然，他們當場抓住了竊賊。有個警察對我說：“我記得你說你把他們都打死了。”我回答道：“我記得你說現在誰都沒空。”