英語小笑話：第一次開出租車
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
The driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
乘客輕拍了一下出租車司機的肩膀,想問個問題. 司機大叫起來, 車也失去了控制, 幾乎撞上一輛公車, 還上了便道, 在還差幾釐米就撞上商店櫥窗時終於停了下來.
司機說,“夥計,別再這麼幹了. 你把我嚇破膽了!”乘客抱歉地說, “我沒想到拍你一下就嚇成這樣.” 司機說,“對不起,也不全是你的錯. 今天是我第一天開出租. 以前25年裏我一直開殯葬車.”
英語小笑話：All Right 沒關係
Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. Uh-oh, I said, realizing my mistake. I just make an illegal turn.I guess it's all right, my daughter replied, The police car behind us did the same thing.
我趕着開車將11歲的'女兒送到學校去，在紅燈處右拐了，而那是不允許的(譯註:在一些國家如英國,其交通規則是車輛左行的,與我國相反)。啊噢，意識到犯了錯誤，我說。我剛纔拐彎是違章的。我想那沒關係的，女兒回答說：我們後面的警車也同樣拐了彎。
英語小笑話：A Small Surprise 小小的意外
When his wife was expecting their third child, a father decided to tell his two sons, ages seven and nine, the facts of life. He checked out several books from the library on how parents should approach the subject. After stumbling through an explanation, he took a deep breath, and said, "Now, boys, do you have any questions?"
"Yes," the younger boy answered immediately.
"Go ahead," said the man, his heart in his throat."Can we," his son asked, "have new baseball gloves?"
當妻子要生第三胎時，父親決定給分別已七歲和九歲的兩個兒子講關於性的知識。他從圖書館查出幾本書，都是關於父母如何涉及這個話題的。在結結巴巴地解釋一番後，他長出了一口氣，然後說：“好了，孩子們，有什麼問題嗎?”
“有，”小兒子立即回答。 “問吧，”爸爸說，心提到了嗓子眼兒。
“我們，”兒子問道，“可以得到新棒球手套了嗎?”