A Vacation Cruise 假日巡航遊
One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only $ r he signs up and pays, the travel agent hits him with a bat, knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon another guy comes in, pays his fee and gets the same treatment.
Fifteen minutes later, as the two are floating down the river together, the first man says, "I wonder if they're serving any food on this cruise."
"I don' t know, the second guy replied. "They didn't last year."
一愚笨之人讀到一則假日巡航遊只須花100元的廣告。在他簽了字付了款後，旅遊經紀人用棒猛擊了他一下，把他打昏了過去，並把他從後門扔進了河裏。不久又來了一個人，付了錢並得到了相同的待遇。 十五分鐘後，這兩個人一起向河的下游漂去。第一個人說：“不知道他們這次巡航遊是否提供食物。” “不知道，”第二個人說道，“去年是沒有的。”
Where Am I 我在哪兒
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmer looked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."
一個英國人在鄉下開車時迷了路，他看見一個農民正在附近的地裏幹活。於是他就把車開過去問那位農民：“勞駕，您能告訴我我現在這是在哪兒嗎?” “可以。”農夫奇怪地看了看他，然後說道：“你現在在你的車子裏，先生。”
一個吝嗇的傢伙
Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town.
"Let’s go to the fair, Matt," his wife said. "We haven’t been anywhere for a long time."
Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, "All right, but I’m not going to spend much money. We’ll look at things, but we won’t buy anything. "
They went to the fair and looked at all the things to buy. There were many things Matt’s wife wanted to buy, but he would not let her spend any money.
Then, in a nearby field, they saw a small airplane.
"Fun flights!" the notice said, " $ 10 for 10 minutes.
Matt had never been in an airplane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However, he didn’t want to have to pay for his wife, as well.
"I’ve only got $ 10, " he told the pilot. "Can my wife come with me for free?" The pilot wasn’t selling many tickets, so he said, "I’ll make a bargain with you. If your wife doesn’t scream or shout, she can have a free flight."
Matt agreed, and got into the small airplane with his wife.
The pilot took off and made his airplane do all kinds of things. At one moment it was flying upside down.
When the plane landed, the pilot said, "0. K. your wife didn’t make a sound. She can have her ride free."
"Thank you," Matt said. "It wasn’t easy for her, you know, especially when she fell out."
麥特和妻子住在鄉下。麥特很吝嗇，討厭花錢。一天附近的鎮子逢集。
“我們去趕集，麥特，”妻子說。“我們很久沒出去了。”
麥特想了一會兒。他知道在集市上一定得花錢。最後他說：“好吧，但我不打算花太多錢。我們只看不買。”
他們去集市，看看所有可買的東西。有很多東西麥特的妻子想買，但麥特不讓她買。
然後在附近的露天場地，他們看到一架小飛機。
“有趣的'飛行。”海報上寫着，“10分鐘10美元。”
麥特從來沒有乘過飛機，所以他想乘一次小飛機。然而他不想付他妻子的票錢。
“我只帶了10美元，”他對飛機駕駛員說，“我妻子能免費和我一起乘飛機嗎?”駕駛員沒賣出多少票，所以他說：“我和你做個交易。如果你妻子不尖叫，也不叫出聲來，她就能免費飛行。”
麥特同意了，他和妻子一起登上了飛機。
飛機起飛了，駕駛員讓飛機做出各種各樣的動作。有一會兒飛機倒着飛行。
飛機着陸時，駕駛員說，“好吧，你妻子沒發出任何聲響。她就不用買飛機票了。”
“謝謝，”麥特說，“你知道，這對她不容易，特別當她剛纔掉下去的時候。”