生活需要笑話，笑話能愉悅我們的心情，今天我們就一起來看看英語笑話大全笑翻天吧!
英語笑話大全笑翻天(一)
When they’re together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. “All right, you two,” I said sternly. “No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting.”
As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, “C’mon, Steven, let’s get dirty . ”
我五歲的.兒子和他的表弟在一起的時候，總要招來大亂。一個星期六，我開始抗議了。“好啦，你們兩個，”我嚴厲地說，“不許叫喊，不許亂拿，不許哭鬧，不許亂敲，不許取笑，不許扯淡，不許弄壞玩具，不許亂抓，不許打架。” 我剛轉身要走，就聽我兒子說：“來，斯蒂文，我們來把自己弄髒吧。”
英語笑話大全笑翻天(二)
There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow.
曾經有隻蝸牛，它對自己動作慢的名聲感到了厭惡和疲倦。
Hedecided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.
他決心去弄些跑得飛快的輪子來改變這種境況。
After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get.
逛了一圈之後，它決定買Datson 240-Z。
So the snail goes to the nearest Datsundealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".
去了最近的Datsun經銷店，去買Datson 240-Z，但是它想把這輛車重新刷漆，改稱240-S。
The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"
經銷商問：“爲什麼是S呢?”
The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail.
蝸牛回答說：“‘s’代表蝸牛。
I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."
我想讓每一個看見我呼嘯而過的人知道是誰在開車。”
Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail,
經銷商不想失去把汽車賣給蝸牛這樣一個機會，
so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
所以他同意收取些許費用，把車重新塗漆。
The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed.
蝸牛開着它的新車，把自己的餘生都用在了快樂地高速行使在告訴公路上。
And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
而不論何時任何人看見它飛馳而過的時候，都會說：“哦!看那S-car 。”
英語笑話大全笑翻天(三)
the squad were having "visual training". one smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field. the party was so faraway that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly the recruit replied：
班裏正在進行“視力訓練”。一個聰明伶俐的新兵被班長叫出來數遠處曠野上採掘隊的人數。採掘隊在很遠的地方，那些人看起來只是一些小點兒。但是這個新兵毫不猶豫地回答。
"sixteen men and a sergeant , sir."
“十六個兵外加一箇中士，長官。”
"right, but how do you know there's a sergeant there?"
“正確，可是你怎麼知道那兒有一箇中士?”
"he's not doing any digging, sir."
“他不幹活，長官。”