導語：有時候，一則笑話可以疏通一個人緊張的情緒，帶來愉悅的效果。以下是小編整理的2016簡短的英語小笑話集錦，各位看官不要錯過。
2016簡短的英語小笑話集錦(一)
1 Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in."
最好的獎賞
一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何才能酬謝他。
“最好的辦法，長官，”這名水手說，“是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他們會把我扔下去的。”
2 Napoleon Was Ill
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
"He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."
"No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!"
"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."
拿破崙病了
傑克到一所大學去學歷史。第一學期結束時，歷史課教授沒讓他及格。學校讓他退學。然而，傑克的父親決定去見教授，強烈要求讓傑克繼續來年的學業。
“他是個好孩子，”傑克的父親說：“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會有很大進步，學期結束時，他一定會考好的。”
“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答。“你知道嗎?上個月我問他拿破崙什麼時候死的，他都不知道。”
“先生，請再給他一次機會吧。”傑克的父親說：“你不知道，恐怕是因爲我們家沒有訂報紙。我們家的人連拿破崙病了都不知道。”
3 He Was Only Wrong by Two
Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.
One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I‘d better ask him a few questions first."
Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers.
At last the dean said, "Well, what‘s five times seven?"
The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."
The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."
他的得數只比正確答案多二
傑克霍金斯是美國一所學院的橄欖球隊教練，他竭力想物色好球員。但是好球員學業不行，院方不願錄取。
有一天，教練帶着一位優秀的年輕球員去見院長，希望院方同意他免試入學。經過一番勸說後院長說：“那我最好先問問他幾個問題。”
然後他轉向學生，問了幾個非常簡單的問題。可是那個學生一個也答不上來。
最後院長說：“那麼，五乘七得多少?”
學生想了很久，然後回答說：“三十六。”
院長攤開雙手失望地看了看教練。可是教練認真地說，“噢，錄取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正確答案多二。”
4 Real Play
When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater‘s current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television."
逼真的戲劇
我在北達科他州立大學教戲劇入門課時，要求學生們去看學校劇團當時的演出，並寫一篇評論。看了一場極爲精彩的演出後，一名學生寫道：“這部戲劇是如此逼真，以致於我認爲我自己是坐在家裏的沙發上，從電視上看到的。”
2016簡短的英語小笑話集錦(二)
1 A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!
勢均力敵
有一天某位女士看到一隻老鼠在自家的廚房地板上竄過。她很害怕老鼠，所以她衝出屋子，搭上了公共汽車直奔商店。在那兒，她買了一隻老鼠夾。店主告訴她：“放點奶酪在裏面，很快你就會逮住那隻老鼠的。”
這位女士帶着鼠夾回到家裏，但她沒有在碗櫥裏找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店裏去，因爲已經很晚了。於是，她就從一份雜誌中剪下一幅奶酪的圖片放進了夾子。
令人稱奇的是，這畫有奶酪的圖片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，這位女士下樓到廚房時，發現鼠夾裏奶酪圖片旁有一張畫有老鼠的圖片!
2 Gardening Gloves
For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare."
Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.
園藝手套
幾個月以來，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的結婚戒指，因爲我對黃金有點過敏。生日那天，我正在幹園藝活時，丈夫問我想要什麼禮物。我舉起雙手說：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的'兩手都是光光的。”
那天晚上，我滿懷熱情地拆開了丈夫送的禮物。“生日快樂!”他說。我開啟一看：裏面包着一雙園藝手套。
3 Warning
Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?" I teased.
"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"
提醒
我們的兒子是密歇根州阿爾馬大學的新生，開學幾個星期之後，我和丈夫決定去看看他。我特意提前給他打電話，“提醒”他我們將光臨。但是當我們來到宿舍時，他的房間凌亂不堪，我非常吃驚。“忘了我們要來，是吧?”我取笑他。
“開什麼玩笑?“，他回答說，“要不我憑什麼費神打掃?”
2016簡短的英語小笑話集錦(三)
1 Ground Rules
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running."
基本原則
位於吉拉多海角的密蘇里東南州立大學有一位我非常喜歡的老師，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在對一個新生班級講解他的基本原則時，他說：“我知道我的講課可能經常會枯燥乏味，了無生趣，所以如果你們在上課時看錶我並不介意。不過我堅決反對你們將表在課桌上猛敲看它們是不是還在走。”
2 The Use of a Handsaw 手鋸的使用
At the mall, my wife and I picked up some hardware items, including a handsaw. We were heading back to the car when we passed a steakhouse.
Let's try it. " my wife suggested. Although I felt a little foolish carrying the saw, I followed her inside.
Scanning the menu, my wife told the waitress, " I' 11 have chopped sirloin, please.
The waitress turned to me, eyed my saw and commented, "And I see that. you, sir, have come for our T-bone special.
在集市上，我和妻子買了一些五金用品，包括一個手鋸。我們返回汽車時剛好路過一家牛排店。 “我們嚐嚐吧，”我妻子建議說。儘管我覺得拿着鋸有點傻乎乎的，但還是隨她走了進去。 我妻子掃視了一下選單對女招待說：“請給我來一份炒牛腰片。” 女招待轉向我，看了看我的鋸，說道：“我能看出，先生，你是來吃我們的T形骨特色菜的。”
3 The Name of a Poet 詩人的名字
Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today. It works like this, she said. Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poetRobert Burns, for instance. She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns. Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman, a bobby in flames. See? Bobby Burns! I see what you mean, said the class know it all. But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?
我們的老師正在給我們介紹現在某些學校使用的一種新的記憶訓練系統。這個系統是這樣的，她說，假定你要記住一個詩人的名字，例如，要記住羅伯特·彭斯的名字。她告訴我們把他當作博比·彭斯，讓你的腦海裏閃現出一個倫敦警察的形象，燃燒着的警察。明白嗎?警察燃燒! 我明白你的意思，班上的萬事通說，但是你怎麼能說那就不是羅伯特·布朗寧呢?
4 a neuropathy 一個神經病
Have a neuropathy, I do not know where to get a handful of pistols, he is gone in a little black alley. When suddenly a young man, neuropathy apart from anything else its guns on the ground by pointing to his head. Asked one plus a few zero. Terrified young people, thought for a long time. Answer, equals two. Neuropathy of the killing he did not hesitate. And then get pulled in his arms, said a cold, you know too much ...
有一個神經病，不知道從哪裏弄來了一把手槍，他走在一條小黑衚衕裏。突然遇上一個年輕人，神經病二話不說將其按在地上用槍指着他的頭。問道，一加一得幾。年輕人嚇壞了，沉思了很久。回答，等於二。神經病毫不猶豫的打死了他。然後把搶拽在懷裏，冰冷的說了一句，你知道的太多了…