英語笑話既能讓我們快樂，也能讓我們學到英語知識，何樂而不爲呢?今天我們就一起來看看英語笑話簡短搞笑吧!
英語笑話簡短搞笑(一)
A man walked into a doctor's examining room
一個人走進一家診所。
A:Put out your tongue.
伸出你的舌頭。
B:OK.
好的。
Then he put out his tongue and the doctor looked at it quickly.
於是他伸出舌頭，醫生很快地看了一下。
A:You can put your tongue back now. It's clear what's wrong with need more exercise.
好吧，把舌頭伸回去吧，你的病因很明顯，你需要更多的運動。
B:But，doctor, I don't think...
但是，醫生，我不認爲……
A:Don't tell me what you think，I am the doctor，not you，I know what you need.I see hundreds of people like of them get any exercis sit in offices all day and in front of the television in the you need is to walk quickly for at least twenty mi-nutes a day.
不要告訴我你認爲怎麼樣，我是醫生，不是你。我知道你需要什麼。我看過數以百計像你這樣的病人。他們沒有一個人鍛鍊過。他們整天坐在辦公室裏，晚上就坐在電視機前。你所需要的就是每天至少快跑20分鐘。
B: don't understand.I...
醫生，你不知道，我……
A:I don't want to hear any excuses. You must find time for you don't，you will get fat and have health problems when you are o1der.
我不想聽任何理由。你應該抽出時間來運動，如果你不鍛鍊，那麼當你老的時候，你就會變得很胖，並且有健康問題。
B:But I walk everyday.
但我每天都走路的。
A:Oh，yes，and I know what kind of walking that is. You walk a few feet from your home to the station，and a few more feet from the sta- lion to your office，and a few more feet fr om your office to a restaurant for much and back. That's not real walking. I'm talking about a walk in the park for twenty minutes every day.
喔，是的。我知道那是一種怎樣的散步，你走幾英尺的路，從家到火車站，又走幾英尺從車站到辦公室，然後走幾英尺從辦公室到餐館中吃中飯再回來。那不是真正的散步。我所說的是每天在公園中散步20分鐘。
B:(Shouting)Will you listen to me. doctor t I am a mailman and I walk for seven hour every day.
(叫喊着)請聽我說，醫生!我是一名郵遞員，我每天得走7小時的路。
A:(Being silent for a moment) Put your tongue out again，will you?
(悶在那裏半天不語)再把你的舌頭伸出來，行嗎?
英語笑話簡短搞笑(二)
A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog cocked its leg, then urinated on its owner.
Calmly, the blind man reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog. A passerby who'd seen everything remarked：“That's extremely tolerant of you, especially after what he just did.”
“Not really,” came the reply. “I'm just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts.”
一個盲人領着一隻導盲犬站在十字路口處等着過馬路。就在這個時候，導盲犬把腿一擡，開始往主人身上撒尿。
這個盲人十分平靜地從口袋裏拿出了一塊餅乾給狗吃。一個過路人剛好看到了這一切，很不解地說：“你的脾氣真好，尤其是那隻狗都做了這樣的事情，你還給它餅乾吃。”
“事實並非如此。”盲人回答說，“我只是想弄清楚它的嘴在哪裏，這樣一來，我就可以踢它的屁股了。”
英語笑話簡短搞笑(三)
Tom’s Birthday
It was Tom’s birthday,and he was five years got quite a lot of nice birthday presents from his family,and one of them was a beartiful big drum.
“Who gave him thay thing?”answered Tom’s mother.
“Oh,”said his father.
Of course,Tom liked his drum very made terrible noise with is,but his mother did not father was working during the day,and Tom was in bed when he got home in the evening,so he did not hear the noise.
But one of the neighbours did not like noise at one morning a few days later she took a sharp knife and went to Tom’s house while he was hitting his said to him,”Hello,Tom,do you know,there’s something very nice inside your is a the frum and let’s find it.”
那天是湯姆五歲的'生日，他從家人那裏得到了很多不錯的禮物，其中有一件禮物是一隻漂亮的大鼓。
“這是誰給他的呢?”湯姆媽媽問道。
“哦。”爸爸說。
當然，湯姆非常喜歡這個大鼓。雖然他敲鼓的聲音很難聽，但媽媽卻從不在意。湯姆爸爸因爲白天工作，而且當爸爸回家時湯姆已經睡覺了，所以爸爸並沒有聽見過這些噪音。
但是，他們的一位鄰居非常不高興。幾天後的一個早上，當她又一次聽到湯姆的噪音時，她帶着鋒利的小刀來到湯姆家：”嘿，湯姆，你知道嗎你的鼓裏有好東西，開啟它，我們一起找找那好東西吧