A preacher is buying a parrot 傳教士買鸚鵡
A preacher is buying a parrot
Are you sure it doesnt scream, yell, or swear? asked the preacher.
Oh absolutely. Its a religious parrot, the storekeeper assures him.
Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lords prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.
Wonderful! says the preacher, but what happens if you pull both strings?
I fall off my perch, you stupid fool! screeched the parrot.
一個傳教士在買鸚鵡
“你確信它不會尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問。
“哦，絕對不會。它是一隻虔誠的鸚鵡。”店主保證說。
“你看見它腿上的這些細繩了嗎?當你拉動右面的這根，它會背誦天主經，當你拉動左面的那根，它會背誦讚美詩”
“太棒了!”傳教士說，“但是如果我同時拉動兩條繩子，會發生什麼呢?”
“我會從樹幹上掉下去的，你這個笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說道。
Now i can go home
One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”
我 可 以 回 家 了
一天，放學以後，老師對他的學生們說：“明天上午，如果你們當中的任何一個同學能回答我的第一個問題，我就准許他或她最先回家。”第二天，老師走進教室時發現黑板已被亂塗，他非常生氣地問：“誰塗的? 請站起來。”鮑勃說：“先生，是我，現在我可以回家了，再見。”
He is really somebody他真是一個大人物
My uncle has 1000 men under him.
He is really somebody. What does he do?
A maintenance man in a cemetery.
我叔叔下面有1000個人。
他真是一個大人物。幹什麼的?
墓地守墓人。
Christmas Eve Service平安夜禮拜
Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary. Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?" A tired voice called out, "Right near the end!"
就在我開始平安夜禱告時，教堂停電了。教堂裏的接待人員和我找到一些蠟燭，把它們放在禮堂周圍。然後我重返講道壇，整理了一下筆記後，我說：“剛纔我講到哪兒了?”傳來一陣不耐煩的聲音：“馬上就講完了!”
小心有狗!
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走進一家鄉間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖着的一個告示牌上寫着，“危險! 小心有狗!” 進去後，他看到一條樣子一點都不兇的老狗趴在收款機旁邊的地板上睡覺。 “這就是大夥都得留神的那隻狗啊?” 陌生人問店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 聽到這個回答， 陌生人覺得很好笑。“我覺得那條狗一點都不可怕。 你帖那個告示做什麼?” “因爲，” 店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前， 大夥老被他絆倒。”
玩藏貓貓
A bunch of great, DEAD scientists were playing hide-and-seek in heaven. When it's Einstein's turn to be the seeker, he counted untill 100 and opened his eyes. All the others were hide, but only Newton were still standing there.
一羣偉大的科學家去世後在天堂裏玩藏貓貓。輪到愛因斯坦抓人，他數到100睜開眼睛，看到所有的人都藏起來了，只有牛頓還站在那裏。
I don't think I know
Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"
John: "What do you think it is, sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"
老師：“John，動詞ring的過去分詞是什麼?”。
約翰：“你想它是什麼呢”?
老師：“我不用想，我知道!”。
約翰：“我想我不知道”。
Good news or Bad news?
An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.
"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"
With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."
以爲藝術家在一個畫廊辦了個展覽，他問店主是否有人對他參展的畫感興趣。
“我有一個好消息和一個壞消息。”店主回答。
“先告訴我好消息。”畫家要求道。
“好消息是一位紳士詢問了你的作品，還問它是否會在你死後增。我告訴他會的，然後他買下了你所有的`15幅畫作。”
“那太棒了!”畫家驚歎。“那麼什麼會是壞消息呢?”
店主想了想之後說：“問那個問題的是你的醫生”。
寫給上帝的信
A little boy needed $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50. When the post office received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the president. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys kept $45 in taxes.
有個小男孩非常需要50美元，他爲此禱告了數週但是什麼也沒發生。後來，他決定寫封信向上帝索要這50美元。郵局接到這封信，想了想覺得還是應該交給總統比較好。總統被逗笑了，於是指示祕書寄給小男孩5美元，因爲他覺得5美元對於一個小孩來講已經是不少了。小男孩收到了錢很高興，給上帝回了一封感謝信，信裏寫道：尊敬的上帝，非常感謝你把錢寄給我。然而，我發現這些錢是透過白宮寄出的，因此，和往常一樣，那幫傢伙收了我45美元的稅。