笑話指能引人發笑的談話或故事,篇幅短小,故事情節簡單而巧妙,往往出人意料,取得令人捧腹的藝術效果;笑話大多揭示生活中荒謬的現象,具有諷刺性和娛樂性。小編精心收集了英語笑話大全爆笑，供大家欣賞學習!
英語笑話大全爆笑短的[1]
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out inthe Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
一份報紙組織了一場競賽，爲下面的問題徵集最佳答案：“如果盧浮宮起了火，而你只能救出一幅畫，你將救出哪一幅?”
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
獲獎的答案是：“最接近門口的那一幅。”
英語笑話大全爆笑短的[2]
He is really somebody!
" My uncle has 1000 men under him."
"He is really somebody. What does he do?"
"A maintenance man in a cemetery. "
他真是一個大人物!
“我叔叔下面有1000個人。”
“他真是一個大人物。幹什麼的?”
“墓地守墓人。”
英語笑話大全爆笑短的[3]
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention,passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the threewe have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We justlost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive inLondon three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose anotherengine, we'll be up here all night!"
一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭裏傳來了機長的聲音：“旅客們請注意，我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時 。”
過了一會兒，旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：“各位，你們猜怎麼啦 ?我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了。只有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了。”
正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：“看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”
英語笑話大全爆笑短的[4]
款待Treat
As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N.J., Police department, I was assigned a beat on the boardwalk. Hardly a day went by when I didn't come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.
One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost. I tried to gain his confidence - I took him to the nearest ice-cream stand and bought him a cone. Time passed with no sign of the boy's parents, so the next step was to call for a patrol car to take him to headquarters. I told the small fry to stay put while I went to the call box. When I returned, he was nowhere in sight.
Within minutes, the car arrived, and one of the patrolmen asked me where the child was. I felt stupid; it's humiliating to say you've lost a lost child. But I told the officers what had happened and gave a description of the boy. "What did you treat him?" asked one of the men.
"An ice-cream cone. Why?"
"Because," answered the officer, "that kid lives only a few blocks from here, and you've about the fifth rookie he's conned for a treat!"
我是新澤西州大西洋城警察局的一名新警察。我被指派巡邏一條海濱的路線，幾乎每天都能碰上與父母走散的孩子。
一天下午，我發現一個小孩獨自站在那裏，顯然是迷了路。我先是設法取得他的信任－我帶他到附近的冰淇淋攤給他買了一個蛋筒。過了很長時間，也沒看見他父母的影子，所以我就準備打電話叫輛巡邏車將他送回總部去。我告訴他站在那裏別動，我去電話亭打電話。當我回來時，卻發現他不知道到哪兒去了。
警車很快來了。一名警察問我小孩在哪裏。我感覺自己傻極了，說自己弄丟了一個迷路的小孩，該多丟人啊！但我還是告訴了警察們所發生的一切，並描述了一下小孩的長相。“你請他吃了什麼？”一名警察問。
“一個冰淇淋蛋筒。怎麼啦？”
“因爲，”那名警察說，“那個小孩住的地方離這兒只隔幾個街區。而你大概是新警察中幫他買東西吃的第五個傻瓜蛋！”
英語笑話大全爆笑短的[5]
Speeding 超速
Traveling salesmen make their living visiting as many customers as possible. So speeding to get from one appointment to the next is not unheard-of. Which is how I got pulled over by a highway patrolman. "Don't you ever look at the speedometer?" the officer scolded. Before I knew it, the truth spilled from my mouth. "As fast as I was going," I admitted, "I was afraid to take my eyes off the road."
因爲旅行推銷員爲了謀生需要拜訪儘量多的客戶，所以超速飛車趕場對於他們來說也不是沒有過的事情。有一次我就因爲超速度行駛被一個公路巡警攔了下來。“你有沒有看過你的時速表？”那名警官責問。當我的回答一出口，我立刻後悔了，但已經太晚了。“車開得越來越快”，我如實地說，“我的眼睛得一直盯着前面，沒敢看別的”。
英語笑話大全爆笑短的[6]
Three Men in a Boat
Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch. A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two. "Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends. "In that case, " warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!" "Yes, sir, " the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.
三人同舟 三位男子在公園的長椅上坐着。中間的一個在讀報紙，另外兩個在假裝釣魚。他們給想象的魚鉤上魚餌，放線，並卷線把魚抓上來。 一位過路警察駐足觀察了這個景象，他問中間的那個男子是否認識其他兩位。 “喔，認識，”他說，“他們是我的朋友。” “那樣的話，”警察告誡說，“你最好把他們從這裏弄走。” “好的.，警官。”那男子回答說，接着就開始瘋狂般地做起划槳的動作來。
英語笑話大全爆笑短的[7]
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.
Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什麼意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站着兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。”
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
“可是，爸爸，”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”
英語笑話大全爆笑短的[8]
compliment
"larry! come here!" said his furious mother, putting the telephone down, " i”ve just had a call from mrs. harrison about your behavior to her doris at the school dance last night. you wretched, rude boy!"
"i was nice to her, mum, really i was!" protested the youth.
"i even paid her a compliment when we had a dance."
"did you, indeed?" said his mother grimly, "and what exactly did you say?"
"i said, gosh, doris, you sweat less than any fat girl i”ve ever danced with!"
恭維話
"拉里，你過來!"媽媽放下電話後生氣地說，"我剛纔接到哈里森夫人地電話，她告訴我你在昨晚的學校舞會上對多麗絲行爲不好，你可恥，粗魯!"
"媽媽，我對她很好，真的!"小夥子不服氣地說。"當我和她跳舞時我還說了一句恭維她的話。"
"你真的這麼做的嗎?"媽媽嚴厲地問。"你的原話是怎麼說的?"
"我說，啊呀，多麗絲，你比我跳過舞的任何胖姑娘出汗都少!"
if i am a manager
one day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition.
英語笑話大全爆笑短的[9]
it's me all right
A pretty young lady went to cash a check at a bank. The teller examined it, then asked, "Can you identify yourself? “Looking puzzled, the girl dipped into her handbag and pulled out a small mirror. She glanced into it for a moment, then smiled, "Yes, it's me all right."
這就是我
一位年輕漂亮的女士到銀行取錢。出納員在檢查了她的存摺後問道：“您能證明您的身份嗎？” 這個女孩聽了這話以後看上去很迷惑，隨後她從手提包裏拿出一個小鏡子。她對着鏡子照了一會兒，笑了：“對呀，這就是我。
現在的專欄不用權限就可以任意加入了,但是也發亂七八糟的了.請在此發貼的人,看清楚了好不好?
英語笑話大全爆笑短的[10]
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"一名陌生人走進一家鄉間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖着的一個告示牌上寫着，“危險! 小心有狗!” 進去後，他看到一條樣子一點都不兇的老狗趴在收款機旁邊的地板上睡覺。 “這就是大夥都得留神的那隻狗啊?” 陌生人問店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 聽到這個回答， 陌生人覺得很好笑。“我覺得那條狗一點都不可怕。 你帖那個告示做什麼?” “因爲，” 店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前， 大夥老被他絆倒。”