大學英語笑話一：
A dog owner claimed that his pet, when given money, would go to the news stall to buy a paper. His friend insisted on a demonstration and handed the dog some money - The dogtrotted(小跑) off, but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper."How much did you give him?" asked the owner."Five dollars.""Well, that explains it. When you give him five dollars, he goes to a movie."
大學英語笑話二：
A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away. So they got married next day she noticed her new husband walking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. "What happened?" she asked." You used to walk straight before we were married.""Oh, honey, " he replied, "I can't drink that much every day.
大學英語笑話三：
One day the staff members of a zoo called a meeting to discuss the problem--how to deal with the kangaroos that were found out of the cage. They came to the conclusion that the cage was placed too low and decided to raise it from one to two meters high. But the next day the kangaroos were still at large and they again raised the cage to three meters.
有一天，動物園的管理員們發現袋鼠從籠子裏跑出來了，於是開會討論，一致認爲是籠子的'高度過低，所以他們決定將籠子的高度由原來的1米加高到2米。結果第二天他們發現，袋鼠還是跑到外面來，所以他們又決定再將高度加高到3米。
Quite beyond their expectation the next morning they saw the kangaroos still free to go about. They were alarmed and determined to go to all the length by raising the cage to the height of ten meters.
沒想到隔天居然又看到袋鼠全跑到外面，於是管理員們大爲緊張，決定一不做二不休，將籠子的高度加高到10米。
Later a giraffe, while chatting with some kangaroos, asked them, “Do you think they will go on raising your cage?”
一天，長頸鹿和幾隻袋鼠在閒聊，“你們看，這些人會不會再繼續加高你們的籠子?”長頸鹿問。
“Hard to say,” said a kangaroo, “if they continue forgetting to fasten the cage door.”
“很難說。”袋鼠說，“如果他們再繼續忘記關門的話!”