How To Talk To People: Better Communication Skills
Hello and welcome to videojug. I'm Rebekah Fensomeand I'm a life coach. Being a great communicator is important in allareas in our life, whether we are talking to our opponents, our friendsor our work colleagues. Being able to inspire other individuals withyour communication allows you to have a more fruitful and enrichinglife. Here are my top tips to be a good communicator。
Step 1: Use open-ended questions 使用開放式問題
In order to get communication going, it's really usefull to useopen-ended questions. Open-ended questions often start with words suchas 'what',‘how', ‘when', and ‘why'。
An example of open-ended question is:
—"So What do you like do in your spare time?"—"I love cinema, theater and sports."
It's best to avoid what we call 'closed questions'. An example of close question is:
—"Do you like films?"—”Yes，I do."
A closed questions kills the conversation. Because it could be onlyanswered with the yes or no answer. Therefore using this open-endedquestions will ensure that the conversation continues to flow。
我們常常以問題來開始一段與陌生人的談話，提出一個巧妙的問題也需要技巧。爲了讓談話能順利持續，最好使用開放式問題，即那些能讓回答問題的人有一些發揮空間，而不是隻能回答“是”或“不”的問題。
Step 2: Active Listening 積極傾聽
This is a really usefull technique, as it tells the other person, youreally listen to what they've been saying. and also more importantly,that you've understood.
—"The hours are quite long, the work's really repetitive. My boss doesn't appreciate me." —(nod)"Hm…“
If you've been listening actively, at this point you should now be able to summarise what the individuals has just told you。
—"It's sounds like you aren't really satisfied with your job anymore."
人們常說：“傾聽比表達更重要。”在與人交流中更是如此。在使用英語的情況下，人每分鐘能聽到並接受至少300個詞所帶來的資訊量，但只能說出100到175個詞。這種存在於表達和傾聽間的差異容易引起你的心不在焉，對談話者可是很不禮貌的哦！要做到積極傾聽，首先要有目的性地去聽別人講的內容：表達抱怨？解決問題？還是尋求支援？其次，用複述或概括對方談話的內容來表明，你在聽，而且聽明白了。同時，點頭等肢體語言也是積極傾聽的表現哦。
Step 3: Create a 'cocoon' 想象相對封閉的交流氛圍
Sometimes when people are talking to us, wefind it hard to concentrate on what they're saying。It might be thatthere are background noise. In order to help you with this, visualise a cocoon around. This will allows you to focus in everywhere that they are saying to you。
談話時難免有外界因素干擾，如果你覺得難以集中，就想象一個虛擬的“蠶繭”把你和談話對象包裹起來吧！想象它把外界一切干擾都擋在外面，使用心理暗示讓你集中於談話。在心裏複述對方的話語也會幫你不致在嘈雜的環境裏走神。
Step 4: Engage with the other person 專注於談話
Is someone trying to engage you in conversation? Your body language is really important。
—"Tom, I need your advice." —”Huh?"
Don't continue with the task you are already doing. Don't shout the answer over your shoulder。
—"Tom, Tom I need your advice."—"Alright, and…“
Instead what you need to do is stop what you'redoing, turn around and face the individual and give them the time theydeserve。
—"Tom, I need your advice."—"Of course, what is it?"
Good communication style is when you really engaged with the other individual。
當有人找你談話的時候，請不要背對着迴應他。暫停手頭的工作，轉過身去，傾聽他人的要求。記得還要使用豐富的身體語言，直視對方的眼睛，微笑着和對方說話(如果他是在抱怨什麼的話就免了吧)，這些細節都能體現你對他的尊重。
Step 5: Don’t make assumptions 不要武斷地推斷別人的想法
Don't jump conclusions when you have a conversationwith someone. Don't assume you know what they are thinking or feelingabout a particular topic。
—"I seem to alright with that."
Instead, it is much better to ask them, if theywere OK with this, if they feel alright about that. You really need totake it into consideration that person's thoughts and beliefs, ratherthan put your own thought and feelings on them。
不要假想你完全知曉他人的想法和感情，不同的人對事物的看法和感覺可能完全不同。在表達自己的想法之前，最好先問問對方的感受，以免在無意間傷害了對方。
Step 6: Aviod antagonistic sentences 避免使用對抗性語句
An exampleof antogonistic sentence is:
—"You are sitting in my chair!"
An antagonistic sentence can be seen as a form ofattack, so it's much better, more constructive instead your sentencesuch as:
—"Excuse, I think you've taken my seat."
This is less confrontational, which would mean your life is full of less conflicts。
如果要和某人談論一個容易引發爭執的.話題，避免使用對抗性的語句。比如“你怎麼老是拿這種事來煩我？”“你根本不懂我！”等等。這些話除了讓你宣泄情緒，對於談話結果毫無幫助，還會引發不必要的爭吵。使用和緩的語氣和禮貌的句子，既能收到良好的效果，又能體現一個人的教養和風範。
當然，技巧只能起到輔助作用，與人交流中，一顆真誠的心纔是成功的關鍵。