Due to the rapid development of society[MS1] ,improving knoledge about current affairs and new cultures turns to be a vital job for people in recent years. But how can we get necessary information in time? Media gives[MS2] the answer. Then, I will show you three significant ways of media to communicate[MS3] information.
Undoubtly[MS4] , reading books is the most efficient and important way around the world . With a long and steady history, books stand [MS5] a unusual role in human life. Romantic and imaginary, we will lose ourselves in the gorgeous words and sentences.[MS6] Not only can we enjoy the beautiful description and mysterious imagination ,but we can also receive reliable news of society and history. [MS7] Once I read “Harry Potter”, a famous book , full of magic, which attracted me and brought me much western culture and human spirit. However, there is still something we could not obtain from books, such as what happened just now in the world.
According to the drawbacks of books, radio comes up for[MS8] improving. No matter what we do and where we are,listening to the radio is really a convenient mode to get information in time[MS9] . Instead of tiring reading, listening is still used for relaxing ,especially after work. For instance, when I finished [MS10] my homework at night, I will turn on the radio for BBC program for a while, just for fun and the news. [MS11]
Admittedly, when we hear sufficient affairs via radio, we then want a more direct way to receive message. Thus, a great invention---television [MS12] appears in our life. Through TV, we are easily able to see clearly what happens in the areas which we have not ever been to. Besides, seeing a film ,improving living skills gaining ecomomic knowledge,[MS13] etc, there are so many things we can do via TV . Apparently,[MS14] television changes our life directly, but things are not always perfect. Instead of [MS15] its advantages, it is harmful for our health. Watching to much will bring tiredness in our eyes which comes more serious to the youth.
All in all, with the dramatic increasing number of people using media, personnally, I tend to support the view that one should choose the best way to communicate information based on his or her ability and necessity , instead of popularity.
Comments
1. task response : it is not sufficient , but ok
2. coherence and cohesive: there are some erroneous collocations and phrases, but the whole progression is ok.
3. lexical resources: pay attention to your details. Not so good
4. Grammatical range and accuracy : sentence structure is good, despite some errs.
Maybe you will be granted as band 5 score.
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作文修改細節：
[MS1]不建議發展開頭，你可以嘗試其他的方式，有點像模版。
[MS2]Media是複數吧， 單數是 medium
[MS3]Communicate 人與人多一些，強調內容最好用 convey 或者 transmit 好些。
[MS4]拼寫錯誤 undoubtedly,
[MS5] 爲正統搭配詞。這個詞用這裏so so.
[MS6]錯誤語法，缺少謂語動詞
[MS7]得分句型，很不錯
[MS8]come up for sth be considered as an applicant or a candidate for sth 作某事的`申請人或候選人：She comes up for re-election next year. 在明年的重選中她參加競選。
Show up / turn up 都可以的
[MS9]前面用過了，避免重複用promotly / instantly 都可以的
[MS10]時態錯誤，應改爲一般現在時
[MS11]And前後不是很對稱，應改爲refreshment
[MS12]Here punctuation is used inaccurately.
[MS13]這裏語法很亂，改爲原型，和前面的able to do 平列好些。
[MS14]應該爲因果關係
[MS15]改爲 compared to