吝嗇鬼的聚會
The Mean Mans Party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一個聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終於決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎麼找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了後，再用你的腳把門推開。”
“爲什麼我要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“天哪!” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會空着手來吧?”
Older Goats in America美國老羊
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats' milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, "What do you do with your older goats in America?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
一羣美國人乘長途汽車在荷蘭旅遊。他們在一個奶酪場停下來。一位年輕的.導遊帶他們參觀了奶酪製作的全過程，解釋說用的是羊奶。 她指給這羣人一個美麗的山坡，山坡上許多羊在吃草。對這些，她解釋說，是放逐草地的老羊，它們已不能再產奶。她然後問道：“在美國你們怎樣處理老羊呢?”
一位活潑的老紳士回答說：“他們讓我們乘車旅行!”
讓人崩潰的駕駛
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?""No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned(醉酒的) ."The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk(行李箱) and a muffled(聽不清的) voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
一個傢伙開車的時候警察追了上來。這個傢伙要開窗戶問警察：“怎麼了，警官?”
“沒事，我觀察到了你的安全駕駛技術，很高興你獲得了價值5000美元的安全駕駛獎。祝賀你!你認爲你要拿這筆錢去做什麼?”
他想了一會說“哦，我覺得，我應該去考駕照”。
坐在副駕駛位的女士說"別在意他說的，他喝醉了酒說胡話呢.“
後面座位的傢伙說”我告訴你，偷來的車我們走不遠的。“
此時，行李箱出現了敲擊聲並傳出一個模糊不清的聲音：“我們穿過了邊境了嗎?”