“finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10。“
“qualifications： no education or experience。“
“i am relatively intelligent， obedient and loyal as a puppy。“
“my compensation should be at least equal to my age。“
“reason for leaving： it had to do with the irs， fbi and sec。“
“fired because i fought for lower pay。“
“size of employer： very tall， probably over 6’5“ 。
“ “please disregard the enclosed resume－it is terribly out of date。“
“reason for leaving： my boss said the end of the world is near。“
“reason for leaving： the owner gave new meaning to the word ’paranoia。’ i prefer to elaborate privately。“
打字錯誤與語法錯誤
“here are my qualifications for you to overlook。“
“strengths： ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer。“
“i am a rabid typist。“
“work history： performed brain wave tests，1879－1981。“
“after receiving advice from several different angels， i have decided to pursue a new line of work。“
“accounting cleric。“
“as indicted， i have over five years of experience analyzing investments。“
“suspected to graduate early next year。“
“disposed of $2。5 billion in assets。“
“proven ability to track down and correct erors。“
“accomplishments： oversight of entire department。“
“am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details。“
“accomplishments： completed 11 years of high school。“
不應有的幽默
“note： keep this resume on top of the stack。 use all others to heat your house。“
“assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast－paced setting。“
“but wait。。。there’s more。 you get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature。“
“i have an excellent track record， although i am not a horse。“
“my fortune cookie said， ’your next interview will result in a job’－and i like your company in particular。“
“title： another resume from the ’profiles in excellence’ series。“
“also known as： mr。 productivity， mr。 clever， mr。fix－it。“
“trustworthy references available upon request－if i give them a few bucks。“
“let’s meet so you can ’ooh’ and ’ahh’ over my experience。“